Hard at Work!

I have been busy lately working on a Charity event with my family in my brother Jake's honor. I have not shared very openly about how my brother died because it has been so painful for me. After many months of prayer and consideration our family feels that it is now time to open up and talk to others about his death so that we can raise awareness and help others in need.

On June 19th, 2011 my handsome, sweet, funny, charismatic, loving brother at just 20 years old took his own life. I don't have the words to adiquitely describe what pain and devistation his death and how he died has impacted our family. We will NEVER be the same, we have felt devistated, heart broken, confused, sad, angry, and helpless. Through this trial and tragedy we have seen the Lords hand through the countless friends and family who have carried us through these past ten months. We have held tight to our FAITH because it is the only way we will get through this and it is only through the Savior Jesus Christ that we can heal. With the heartache there has been an overwhelming sense of peace, we know where Jake is, we know he has returned home to the loving arms of our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ, and we KNOW we will see him again.

I never in a million years would have thought my brother would take his life. There are still many days that I think to myself, "I can't BELIEVE this happened, I can't BELIEVE he is REALLY gone." In the past ten months I have learned a lot about myself, my family, my spirituality, and a lot about my brother. Having experienced loosing someone so close to me, so important to me, I have gained a different perspective on life and my priorities have changed. Loosing my brother in this way has changed me. In some ways I will admit I am jaded, I am angry, hurt, and absolutly terrified of ever loosing someone close to me again. But with the bad there has come good. I have learned that life is fragile and we need to not take anything for granted. We need to build strong family bonds and express to the one's we love what they mean to us. We need to keep our priorities in check and we need to seek after righteous desires.

On June 23rd in Lincoln, California we are hosting a Mud-Run in honor of my brother Jake and two other boys, Aldo and Travis, who both went to High School with Jake, and who both took their lives as well. All three of these boys passed away last summer within weeks of each other. Their families have come together with ours to plan this event to raise awareness for suicide prevention. I am so grateful for the friendship and love our family has experienced with these two families. Never would you want to have to come together for this purpose, but I do believe the Lord has lead us to each other to help one another heal. The idea behind the "Mud-Run" is that life gets muddy and dirty at times, life is hard, but even when times are tough you can find joy in your trials, you can find joy in the journey even when the circumstances are not perfect, life is always worth living! If you would like to find out how you can participate or donate to this cause please contact me at courtbritt@gmail.com

the website will be up and running soon as well... www.mud-run-4-life.org

or visit our facebook event page... mud-run-4-life

Spring is here!

It has been beautiful here in Utah the last few days! I dont know what it is about the warmth, but it sure does seem to liven my spirits. I love soaking up a little sunshine and enjoying the outdoors!

Life has been pretty busy lately and I am having a hard time remembering to slow down and enjoy it. I am looking forward to long summer days playing with my kiddos and taking a break from the hussle and bussle of life.

I have gotten way behind again with my blogging, so much for that New Years Resolution ;).

For my own family history... the last few months have been busy and stressful. Courts job has sometimes been a little rocky and it has gotten us thinking about long term goals and really thinking about where we want to be in many areas of our life. Financially speaking this bad economy sure makes it hard to raise 4 kids at times. But as usual, as trials arise in our marriage I am continually reminded that if we keep our covenants with the Lord he will bless us and provide away. I am reminded that money is JUST money, do we need it to live, yes, but does it make up who were are or bring true happiness, absolutly not. I am so grateful my husband has a job, that I have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mother, we have a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes to wear, cars to drive, and MOST importantly we have each other and the gospel. If you think of "riches" in terms of blessings, I am one of the richest people I know. I have wonderful friends and family, a loving husband, 4 darling kids, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ as the center and focus of my life... I am RICH in blessings!

6 months

Dear Baby Girl,

I got behind on my journaling/blogging and haven't had the chance to write you your six month letter yet. The months since you were born seem to be slipping by so quickly and I just want to freeze time and keep you my precious baby girl for awhile longer.

You are such a sweet, precious baby and I am so grateful to be your mom. I can't imagine what it will be like to not have anymore babies. I am sad that this chapter of my life is going by so quickly. Knowing that your my last has helped me to savor every moment with you. I love that you are still so tiny, it's kept you my little baby longer. At your six month check up you were 12 pounds and in the 3rd perecentile.

After visiting the Doctor and seeing how small you were we started feeding you more foods. At first you weren't sure what to think, but you are starting to do so well eating. You love greek yogurt which is great because it's full of protien and you need it little missy.

Your sisters and brother still adore you to the ends of the earth. They are all so sweet and tender with you and it is so fun for me to watch as a mom. Your brother is especially obsessed with you, he loves to get right in your face and talk baby talk to you. He also has lots of little randm nick names for you which are so cute. Your sisters think you are their little doll and tote you around wherever and whenever they can. I love that they love you so much.

You are trying so hard to sit up but your not quite there yet. You love to roll around on the floor and everything you find goes straight into your mouth. You love toys or anything you can turn into a toy.

You are a mamas girl and I love it, although it makes your daddy a bit sad when you want me over him. You have been saying, "mama" for the last few weeks and your sweet little voice is music to my ears! I just can't get enough of you!!!

Your having a hard time sleeping during the day and still not sleeping through the night. We're hoping for our sake and yours that this changes soon. You are such a tiny little thing and you really need your sleep.

Your beautiful black hair and dark eyes are still getting you lots of attention. I get stoped everywhere so that people can peak in your car seat and take a look at you. You are such a smily baby and love the attention!

I love you so much my beautiful baby. You are truly a gift straight from Heaven. You bring so much love and peace into our home.

Love,
Mommy

Long time no blog

I really can't believe it is March already. The new year seems to be flying by. I would like time to slow down, but I am very anxious for Spring and Summer to get here.

Recently I haven't felt much like blogging. I seem to stop blogging when life gets stressful and trials arise. I need to work on this. My blogs are my journals and family history for my children. I want and need them to know that we have faced many trials in our marriage and each and every time the Lord pulls us through them.

I am grateful for my trials. They help me put my priorities into perspective, they remind me of how blessed I truly am, they help me to grow, and they teach me invaluable life lessons.

Trials are pretty crappy when you are going through them. But for me when I make it through something that seems impossible, I have this amazing sence of gratitude and accomplishment.

These past few weeks as we have had some pretty big challenges and I have really struggled with my emotions. In the past 8 months since my brother Jake's passing I have done everything possible to be a rock for my parents. These last few weeks it's like my walls have just come crashing down around me and I am finally 100% grieving personally for the loss of my brother. It has been painful, devestating, and healing all at the same time. I wish it didn't always take trials in my life for me to let my guard down and turn things over to the Lord, but often times it takes big, huge, difficult situations for me to humble myself and ask for help for myself.

This week I am going to put my trials in the Lords hands. Rather then take on life's challenges on my own, like I normally try to do, I am going to put all of my Faith in the Lords and turn these trials over to him.

Love my job!

This morning as I got the girlies off to school, feed the baby, and had a funny little conversation with J-man about how proud he was that he didn't wet the bed, I had a continuing feeling of gratitude for being a mother. Today has started out just like most days, but for some reason this morning the spirit has reminded me of what a blessing it is to be entrusted with these sweet little spirits! There are many times that I feel like a failure as a mom, but I know Heavenly Father knows I can do this with his help. I am so grateful to be a stay-at-home mom, last year around this time I went to school 40 hours a week for 4 1/2 months, MAN that was hard!! I hated not being home with my little man and kindergartener during the day and not being home when my sweet Mac got home from school. It killed me not being there! I am so glad that is OVER. That experience did teach me some very important lessons though. I learned how hard it is to work full time and be a mother, I learned that being able to stay home with my children is a huge blessing, and I learned that no matter how hard being a mom can be, being home with my children is exactly where I belong.

I mustache you a question...

J-man and I made some fun Valentines today. It was super easy and free. I used a picture of him and edited it on the website picnic to add the wording, hearts, and mustache. I think they are pretty cute and I am excited for him to get to hand them out with his treats next week at preschool. You could print these from your home computer or have them printed as pictures from walgreens or another photo center. The girls have come up with some funny ideas too, so we are going to work on theirs tomorrow! Stay tuned :)

Goodbye Grandma...

Early this morning my moms mother, Juanita (Nita) passed away at the age of 87. She has had very poor health over the last several years, sever problems with her feet her entire life making it very painful and difficult to walk, and has spent the last 7 or 8 years in a wheel chair. Her passing is a blessing in the fact that she will no longer be in pain and for that we are grateful, although she will be missed dearly.

My grandmother was (is) a HILARIOUS women. She was witty, spunky, and full of Irish-Catholic feistiness!! My grandma was tough as nails and faced some huge trials in her life. She said what was on her mind and taught me to stick up for myself. I always knew that my grandma loved me and I am so grateful to have had such a great relationship with her.

One of my most treasured memories of her was her coming with me to pick out my wedding dress and having her buy my veil for me. My mom had been in town shopping for wedding dresses and we just didn't have any luck finding the "perfect dress". My mom was pretty heart broken to not be there with me to buy my wedding dress. My mom suggested that my grandma go shopping with me, so that at least she could be there when I picked out my dress. I can vividly remember my grandmother picking me up at my Provo apartment to go shopping. She was so excited to get to do this with me. As soon as I got in the car she asked if I wanted to go to breakfast. We ate together at Village Inn in Provo and we talked about the wedding plans as we ate our breakfast. Afterwards we headed to Walker's bridal. I can picture my grandma right now parking the car and struggling to get out of the car, I remember having her hang onto my arm as she slowly walked into the bridal shop. It always made me so sad for her that she had such horrible problems with her feet and legs. Once we were inside we looked around for only a few minutes and then I spotted the dress I had to have. I told my grandma, "this is THE DRESS" and she kept asking me over and over again if I was sure. We picked out the veil and a pretty jeweled hair piece to go with it. We also found some pretty high heals as well. My grandma always wished she could wear high heals, but with her foot problems is wasn't possible. When we got ready to pay my grandma took the veil and hair piece from me and told me that she wanted to buy it for my wedding gift, I thought this was so sweet of her.

Just a few weeks ago when my parents were in town for my cousin Megan's sons funeral I had an overwhelming impression that we needed to stop by the care center to see my grandma on the way home. My grandma had come to the viewing the night before but my family wasn't in town yet. I am so grateful that I listened to this prompting from the Spirit, this was the last time my mom, dad, and siblings saw her. It was such a great visit, she was a hoot, cracking jokes, talking about when she stole my grandpa from her friend, and even calling my dad by name (this was rare). It was such a fun visit. She loved seeing the baby and especially loved when we reminded her that we had given the baby her middle name. She had us all laughing hysterically. Randomly in the middle of our visit, she whipped her head around and told my dad, "geese, you are so handsome, Ron". I will always cherish this precious time we had with her.
This past Thursday after I dropped J-man off at school I headed to her care center to spend sometime with her. When I first got there she was peacefully sleeping. I sat by her, talked to her, kissed her forehead, and told her how much I loved her. About an hour later I was in the other room feeding the baby and talking with my Aunts, Grandma started yelling out in pain and we all hurried into her room. The hospice nurse had turned her on her side and it was very uncomfortable and painful for her. My Aunts got her situated but she continued to try to talk, they couldn't hear what she was saying so they asked me to listen. As I put my ear close to her mouth I heard her whisper a few words, the things she said will forever be precious to me. I started to cry, I kissed her forehead one last time and then whispered in her ear to please hug my baby brother for me and tell him how much I love and miss him. The spirit filled her little room and I know angels were present. I could have stayed for hours longer talking to her and holding her hand, I didn't want to leave(but the kids were getting out of school.)

I love my grandmother so dearly, she has made a HUGE impact on my life and I am so grateful to have been blessed to be her granddaughter. I don't even know how to put into words how grateful I am to my grandmother for converting and becoming a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. I can't imagine my life without the knowledge of the Gospel, the knowledge that families can be TOGETHER FOREVER through covenants in the Lords Holy Temples. Death does NOT part us, our family is Eternal and we will be together in the next life. My faith has sustained me through my biggest trials and my faith in the Savior Jesus is unshakable. I have my grandmother to thank for joining the Church and making it possible for me to have this knowledge. My faith makes up who I am, my purpose in life, it is the center of my life, family, and home. Grandma, you have given us the MOST priceless gift!!!

I love this quote... "When you save a girl, you save generations", this is most definitely the case for our family.